Here we are in Taurus season, the middle of Autumn, one of my favourite times of year. A time of transition, a time of releasing, so the journey inward into the cooler months is lighter, a stripping back of whatever it is that requires composting, breaking down, an alchemical process which transforms something into something else. As I write this I am still in Maleny, and the change is gentle. As I prepare to return home to Victoria, I know the change will be more dramatic.
As I work with Kali, I am grateful that we have entered Taurus. Kali can be likened to a warrior, the energy of Aries is warrior energy also. Together they make quite a duo! Already, after two days of sun entering Taurus, I can feel the support of things moving more slowly, the sensory experience of Autumn softening the edges, the light slowly fading into the darker months. Kali is more earthly than any ‘out of body’ being I have ever worked with before. She is shining the light on how I have been creating in the world and how this can now dissolve to make way for something new.

I have been creating for myself for a very long time. I was brought up in a small business family and I have been creating small business forever. What I am able to see now is that I have been doing that because it is what I knew. I have realised that it wasn’t driven by a strong sense of self, or self worth or from a place of personal power. The foundations were fear driven. It’s what I knew, I had to support my son and I, so I did it! It was exhausting, I was exhausted. I would search for ways to have more time at home. I would close my business and take up study to have a break. This would exhaust me also. I was on a treadmill of always having to be seen as doing something so I could receive support from the government as a single Mum.
This was my pattern. This was my rollercoaster, sometimes taking my breath away. This was my merry-go-round, a gentler ride, yet totally unfulfilling. I have been channeling and working with many different energies, consciously for 15 years now, and I would say unconsciously my whole life. This, until now, has been a private affair, but it is becoming so clear to me that this is my way forward, in the outer world and not just my inner. I am a medium, a clairvoyant (clear seeing), clairaudient receive heard messages), clairsentient (sensing, feeling physical) and empathic (feeling emotions). Learning how to use these skills, which I believe are available to everyone, we are just at different stages of development, are my next stage of creation in the world.

Kali is such a different energy to any I have ever worked with with, she is so clear about how to create in the physical, and why it is so important to do so. I am feeling quite lost as far as physical creation goes right now, because my fears are dissolving and I have less reason to be doing so much. In this space, I have more time to connect with my purpose for being here, and instead of dancing around this, too distracted by the things that are fear driven, I am ready to dive into the new. Cue Kali!
We are all learning that it is Fear we are here to alchemically transform into Love. Love is the new currency, Love is the new way to create. I am excited and so grateful for support, because I have not done this consciously before! All experiences we’ve ever had and will have are a part of this alchemical transformation. This process is a journey into the elements that make up everything on this planet, including our physical bodies.
The feminine deities and energies (there are so many of them), have the ability to teach us how to walk this journey into alchemical transformation, using the elements, using everything available to us to learn about these elements. This is the foundation of Ayurveda, in the gross expression of the elements. It is also the foundation of Tantra, in the energetic expression of the elements. This is the dance of life, the dance of the physicality and of the energetics, embracing all aspects and weaving a tapestry that has space for all, yet is uniquely ours.

I can sense the lightness beyond my fears. I can see and feel the reasons for the fears. Thanks to the Akashic records I can be guided to the wisdom of all the stories and I can see that there is a different way. It still looks similar, due to this world of form and structure, which is our playground, but we can feel totally different within it. We can not be attached as the physical forms and structures come and go, rise and fall. We can build with a knowledge that nothing is meant to last forever and that everything is merely a stepping stone to the next level of creation. Embodying this knowledge transforms it into wisdom.
Staying close to the emotional process behind creation supports the ability to detach from the external creation. This process will show us where we are gripping, why we need something to succeed so desperately and why it hurts so much when it doesn’t. This is the real work, behind the scenes. It is the only purpose for the external creation. To grow and transform in Self. From small self to higher Self.
To hold the emotional world I have I must have healthy waters. Kali has shown me that I protect through my womb. I grip, physically grip my womb. My bladder, my large intestine, my sex organs. This leads to all sorts of physical sensations and blockages. Which then reflects my emotional blockages. The womb, the pelvis is the home of our waters. Healthy fluids for the whole body, healthy expression of emotions. The movement I’ve been doing, guided by Kali, has been relaxing all of these tissues, I can feel the weight in my pelvis, I can feel the water, I can feel the rocking of my pelvis as I move through my day. When I feel too much energy in my head, or a headache threatens, I am guided back down.

This is all well and good on a physical level. On an emotional level it has dropped me into the pain, the sorrow, the reasons for the protection. So many stories, so much sadness. I am glad I have a process that allows me to sit with emotions. I’m glad I’m entering this space with Kali. She is encouraging me to stay here. I have been here before, I visit regularly, but I get out fast as soon as I’m off my mat and back in the world. This space is vulnerable beyond my comfort zone. Kali is encouraging me to be there always, for now. She is showing me not to get too attached to being there. As healing occurs and as balance comes, change will come. I won’t feel any of this as intensely as I am now.
The biggest difference between working with Kali and doing the work on my own is that I can stay present all of the time. When I commit to a 40 day sadhana, I commit, not just on the mat, in my practice time, but all day, everywhere I go. As I spend time in the waters, she shows me how to nourish the Earth element. The physical expression of how I really feel and what I need to support myself. Radical Self Care! Food, movement, baths, walks, whatever is needed. Food nurtures the Fire element, allowing it to be a constant burn, instead of up and down. Air and breath allow me to bring in the lightness, to breathe, to remember I will feel different. And Ether is my most comfortable element, where my access to higher knowledge is. For me it is where the magic happens, yet without this alchemical process, my physical suffers, then my mind suffers.

Tantric Hatha Yoga gifts me a massive tool kit to work with the elements and energetics of my experiences via movement, breath and stillness. It is prescriptive and precise. It is what I offer in my classes, an experience of all different aspects of us. I am embracing the earthliness of Kali, and feeling blessed it’s Taurus season, the Bull is a glorious Earthly creature. I am delving into the sadness of all I have held onto, held in my womb. In the dark, where no one to get to it. Including me. In the process shutting everyone out. Including me. I am now moving to relax the tissues and organs, to hydrate and to heal. To welcome the flow.
I am noticing my want to escape into all of my ‘clair’ abilities, to my world of Ether, where nobody can hurt me. But there, without the integration of my humanness, I am missing out on deep connections to Self and others. This has been my exit route from trauma for a very long time. it was only last week I was reminded by my Aunty that I used to hold my breath as a baby. This then turned into fainting. I’ve always wanted to escape back to the ethers!
Kali is teaching me to really embody the pain, without the fear of never feeling any different. To move, to breathe, to harness, to transform in ways that run deeper than before. my body has never felt safe for me. Kali is a goddess of Earthly Healing. She is here to guide the way to be me wholly, in form. To find peace, pleasure, and to heal the pain through the physical experience. For this I am eternally grateful.
With Love,
Susie
Om Kalikayai Namaha